One of the best/least consequential scenarios in all sports concerns the big man who goes to Hakeem Olajuwon’s Dream Shake Academy to learn one of the deadliest and least Instructable moves in NBA history. At $50,000 per session, it is as close as possible to a snowball system without it being technically illegal. It’s like asking Dr. J to teach you the inverted finger roll up and down behind the backboard that he did in the NBA Finals against the Los Angeles Lakers, as if that’s even possible.
When Gilbert Arenas recorded his Podcast shouting into a camera to destroy the Houston Rockets Hall of Fame for overloading, he was (partly) right.
I didn’t see it, but a news writer in a hurry at SI did and transcribed the most salacious Segment. So, if you like hot photos but not animated images with sound, here’s what Arenas said.
“No one wants the Hakeem Olajuwon Skyhook. Nobody wants this shit. … You should be ashamed to charge this young whip $50,000. When they entered the league in 1984, they weren’t even making $50,000 a game. You are trying to recover your month through youth! Don’t ask these guys for $50,000 for that blush. He hasn’t been good since the 90s. This means that he does not know all the movements of the 2000s. 2010s, he doesn’t know. 2020s, he doesn’t know. Who the hell are you doing the moves with? Wembanyama?”
I don’t know why arenas that were irrelevant a little less time than Olajuwon would reverse the excitement of a former player, especially, as he pointed out, with what the NBA players were doing. Hakeem is two, three, four, five, six times more than the arenas, and yet Agent Zero exceeded the dream of his career from 163 to 97 million dollars.
Moreover, it is not a “Skyhook”, and if one of these great contemporaries had a 10th footwork of Olajuwon, the Low-Post game would not be decisive. Victor Wembanyama wouldn’t be worth keeping if he developed a little face-shaking action in the 15-foot-and-under range, but no, let the guy who’s 7 feet 5 inches tall dribble around the circumference and shoot for 3 seconds.
Heck, if Prime Olajuwon was in the League today, he would be leading one of the most destructive defensive units imaginable with his mixture of agility, length and speed. And let’s not forget that Hakeem had range, he simply chose to turn centers like Shaq and Patrick Ewing into pretzels on the block.
